We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
The waiter brought a tray
And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale
She said, 'There is no reason
And the truth is plain to see.'
But I wandered through my playing cards
And would not let her be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
Who were leaving for the coast
And although my eyes were open
They might have just as well've been closed
She said, 'I'm home on shore leave,'
Though in truth we were at sea
So I took her by the looking glass
And forced her to agree
Saying, 'You must be the mermaid
Who took Neptune for a ride.'
But she smiled at me so sadly
That my anger straightway died
If music be the food of love
Then laughter is its queen
And likewise if behind is in front
Then dirt in truth is clean
My mouth by then like cardboard
Seemed to slip straight through my head
So we crash-dived straightway quickly
And attacked the ocean bed

Conquistador your stallion stands
In need of company
And like some angel's haloed brow
You reek of purity
I see your armour-plated breast
Has long since lost its sheen
And in your death mask face
There are no signs which can be seen
And though I hoped for something
To find
I could see no maze to unwind
Conquistador a vulture sits
Upon your silver shield
And in your rusty scabbard now
The sand has taken seed
And though your jewel-encrusted blade
Has not been plundered still
The sea has washed across your face
And taken of its fill
And though I hoped for something
To find
I could see no maze to unwind
Conquistador there is no time
I must pay my respect
And though I came to jeer at you
I leave now with regret
And as the gloom begins to fall
I see there is no, only all
And though you came with sword held high
You did not conquer, only die
And though I hoped for something
To find
I could see no maze to unwind

She wandered through the garden fence
And said, 'I've brought at great expense
A potion guaranteed to bring
Relief from all your suffering.'
And though I said, 'You don't exist,'
She grasped me firmly by the wrist
And threw me down upon my back
And strapped me to her torture rack
And, without further argument
I found my mind was also bent
Upon a course so devious
It only made my torment worse
She said, 'I see you cannot speak
Is it your voice that is too weak?
Is it your tongue that is to blame?
Maybe you cannot speak for shame.
Or has your brain been idle too,
And now it will not think for you?'
I hastened to make my reply
But found that I could only lie
And like a fool I believed myself
And thought I was somebody else
But she could see what I was then
And left me on my own again

While standing at the junction on 42nd Street
I idly kick a pebble lying near my feet
I hear a weird noise, take a look up and down
The cause of the commotion is right there on the ground
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
But there's no doubt about it, it's my own tombstone
I went into a shop, and bought a loaf of bread
I sank my teeth into it, thought I'd bust my head
I dashed to the dentist, said, 'I've got an awful pain!'
The man looks in my mouth and screams, 'This boy is insane!'
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
But there's a lump in my mouth of my own tombstone
I went to see a movie, got the only empty seat
I tried to stretch out in it, something blocking my feet
Finally the lights came up, and I could clearly see
A slab of engraved marble, just staring up at me
Imagine my surprise, thought I'd left it at home
But there's no doubt I'm sitting on my own tombstone

Don't eat green meat it ain't good for you
You know it killed your brother, killed your sister too
Even fresh fried chicken on new-mown sand
Can't beat red beans eaten outa your hand
7Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table
Don't slice no onions, don't peel no grape
Dream about banana slice nor sniff around short cake
And if on a winter's day you find your sundial's wrong
You'll know the weather is what's brought it on
Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table
Put the peas in the pot, put the pot on the hot
In the cellar lies my wife, in my wife there's a knife
So tote that hammer, lift that pick
And banish inhibition with a pogo stick
Oh Mabel, Mabel! You know I love you gal but I'm not able
Mabel, oh Mabel, please get off the kitchen table

Outside the gates of Cerdes sits the two-pronged unicorn
Who plays at relaxation time a rhinestone flugelhorn
Whilst mermaids lace carnations into wreaths for ailing whales
And Neptune dances hornpipes while Salome sheds her veils
Phallus Phil tries peddling his pewter painted pot
But Sousa Sam can only hear the screams of Peep the sot
Who only sips his creme de menthe from terra cotta cups
And exhales menthol scented breath whilst spewing verbiage up
Down technical blind alleys live the wraiths of former dreams
And Greeps who often crossed them are no longer what they seem
And even Christian Scientists can but display marble plaques
Which only retell legends whilst my eyes reach out for facts
Yeah, my eyes reach out for facts

My amazon six-triggered bride
Now searching for a place to hide
Still sees the truth quite easily
But shrouds all else in mystery
While madmen in top hats and tails
Impale themselves on six-inch nails
And some Arabian also-ran
Impersonates a watering can
Some Santa Claus-like face of note
Entreats my ears to set afloat
My feeble sick and weary brain
And I am overcome with shame
And hide inside my overcoat
And hurriedly begin to quote
While some Arabian sheikh most grand
Impersonates a hot-dog stand
The Red Cross ambulance outside
Can only mean that I must hide
'til dusk and finally the night
When I will make a hasty flight
Across the sea and far away
To where the weary exiles stay
And some Arabian oil-well
Impersonates a padded cell

Jostle, hassle, elbow bustle
In a swirling rainbow tussle
Caught and frozen, broken sheen
Now unites for one brief scene
Lonely in the dark I grope
The key's in my kaleidoscope
Confused faces change their places
Take up stances, exchange glances
Lost in multicoloured hues
There is no whole which I can choose
Lonely in the dark I grope
The key's in my kaleidoscope
In one face, one moment's fusion
Realize the new illusion
Clutching fingers break the puzzle
Jostle, hassle, elbow bustle
Still out in the dark I grope
The key's in my kaleidoscope

You come to me at midnight and say, 'It's dark in here.'
You know you robbed me of my sight, and light is what I fear
I tell you that I can not see but you persist in showing me
Those bangles that I paid for long ago
And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
And though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
Your skin crawls up an octave, your teeth have lost their gleam
The peaches snuggle closer down into the clotted cream
And for some unknown reason my watch begins to chime
And though I beg and plead with you, you tell me it's not time
And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
And though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
The sun seeps through the window to see if we're still dead
To try to throw some light upon the gloom around our bed
At quarter past the doorbell rings, the water faucet drips and sings
And still my reason will not rhyme, and still you tell me it's not time
And though my face is smiling I'm really feeling low
And though you say you're with me I know that it's not so
You really know that it's not so

Still scowling black
Good Captain Clack
Must eat his humble pie
His bed is made
The colours fade
His eyes once wet are dry
The naked muse
Who sits and chews
Tobacco off a tree
Removes his shoes
Gives way to booze
And searches endlessly
See the naked jumberlack
Sip his aphrodisiac
Cotton-picking farmers three
Though I lost my weather vane
And of sense I have one grain
I'm content sipping lemon tea

Instrumental

---

Your multilingual business friend
Has packed her bags and fled
Leaving only ash-filled ashtrays
And the lipsticked unmade bed
The mirror on reflection
Has climbed back upon the wall
For the floor she found descended
And the ceiling was too tall
Your trouser cuffs are dirty
And your shoes are laced up wrong
You'd better take off your homburg
'cos your overcoat is too long
The town clock in the market square
Stands waiting for the hour
When its hands they both turn backwards
And on meeting will devour
Both themselves and also any fool
Who dares to tell the time
And the sun and moon will shatter
And the signposts cease to sign

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