Ladies and Gentlemen … The President of the United States
Fella Americans ... Doot, Doot, Doot... He's been sick!
Doot! Doot!
A his wife is gonna bring him some chicken soup

Plastic people
Oh Baby now You're such a drag

1: I know it's hard to defend an unpopular policy every once in a while
2: And there's this guy from the CIA and he's creepin' around Laurel Canyon

A fine little girl
She waits for me
She's as plastic as she can be
She paints her face
With plastic goo
And wrecks her hair
With some shampoo
Plastic people
Oh Baby now You're such a drag

I dunno . . . sometimes I just get tired of ya, honey
It's ... ah ... your hair spray ... or something
Plastic people
Oh Baby now You're such a drag

I hear the sound of marching feet ... down Sunset Boulevard to Crescent Heights
And there ... at Pandora's Box ... we are confronted with
A vast quantity of ... Plastic People

Take a day And walk around
Watch the nazis Run your town
Then go home And check yourself
You think we're singing 'bout someone else

But you're plastic people
Oh Baby now You're such a drag

Me see a neon
Moon above
I searched for years I found no love
I'm sure that love Will never be
A product of Plasticity
A product of Plasticity


PLASTIC, PLASTIC PEOPLE
PLA-HA-HA-HA-HA-PLASTIC
You are - - - your foot - - - your hair your nose - - - your arms
You suck - - - you love - - - you are --- your being is - - - you're plastic
Blah - - - blah - - - blah - - - Plastic Pepples

A prune is not a vegetable
cabbage is a vegetable
Makes it O. K. - - - Plastic People - - - Plastic People
You dream of ... you think only of... you eat ... you are
Ooo-hoo-hoo ... etc.
Purple prancing - - - Plastic People
Pee-Pee-Pee-Pee-Pee-Peep!

A moon beam through the prune
In June
Reveals your chest
I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart
I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you, my dear
Is real and very new
Prunes (pa-da-dah)
If it is a real prune
Knows no cheese
(cheeky chanky, cheeky chanky)
And stands
(Oh no!)
Taller, stronger than
Any tree (or bush)
And I know
The love I have for you
Will grow and grow
And grow, I think
And so, my love, I offer you
A heart that is strong
A prune that is true.

Duke, duke, duke, duke of
Prunes, prunes, prunes, prunes.
What is your name?
It's nice to see you again.
You'll be my duchess of prunes
My duchess of prunes.

A moon beam through the prune
In June
Reveals your chest
I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart
I bite your neck.
The cheese I have for you, my dear,
Is real and very new.
Prunes (pa-da-dah)
If they are fresh prunes
(pa-da-dah)
Knows no cheese

And they just lie there
Drowning and sickening
And it's... oh I dunno
LAH-H-H
And I know I think
The love I have for you
Will never end
Well, maybe...
And so, my love, I offer you
A love that is strong
A prune that is true.

(This is the exciting part, this is like the Supremes...
See the way it. builds up, Baby...)
My prune is true
My love for you, my dear, etc.
Ooh-ah, mumble mumble...

This is a song about vegetables... they keep you regular...
they're real good for you.

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
Call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you

Some people don't go for prunes...
I don't know, I've always found that if they...

Call any vegetable
Pick up your phone
Think of a vegetable
Lonely at home
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you

Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga
A prune isn't really a vegetable...
Cabbage is a vegetable...

No one will know
If you don't want to let them know
No one will know
'less it's you that might tell them so
Call and they'll come to you
Covered with dew
Vegetables dream of responding to you
Standing there shiny and pround by your side
Holding your hand while the neighbors decide
Why is a vegetable something to hide

A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom.
They think: Oh, ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say
to a vegetable?...
But the answer is simple, my friends: Just call, and tell them how you feel...
about muffins... pumpkins... wax paper... Caledonia Mahogany's elbows...
and green things in general... and soon: a new rapport... you and your
new little green and yellow buddies: grooving together... oh no! maintaining
your coolness together! worshipping together in the church of your choise...
(only in America...) woo-hoo-hoo ...

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
WOW! that the vegetable will respond to you!

Instrumental

[includes quotes from God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates), Marine's Hymn (trad.) and A Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky)]

A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But the answer is simple, my friends . . . just call... and tell them how you feel... about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL... and soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies... grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h...

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
AR-R-H-R that the vegetable
Will respond to you...
OH NO! Can you see them responding?
The PUMPKIN is breathing hard:

HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA etc.
What a pumpkin...

There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
There's a big dilemma
'Bout my Big Leg Emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight...

Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?

You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
You got me beggin' on my knees
Say-in' baby please
Come back to me

You're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life
And all I wanted was a wife
I know you're tryin' to wreck my life

Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
Now what you tryin' to do?
I been true to you
Now what you tryin' to do?

Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
You got me pulled up tight
Why don'tcha do me right?

(But baby, I think I love you
But baby, I think I love you
Baby!)

Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
Why don'tcha do me right?
I wanna boogie all night
Why don'tcha do me right?

I tried to find
How my heart could be so blind , dear
How could I be fooled
Just like the rest?
You came on strong
With your fast car and your
Bran Flakes,
Soft voice, and your sad eyes...
I fell for the whole thing.
I don't regret having met up
With a girl who breaks hearts
Like they were nothing at all.
I've done it, too -
Now I know just what it
Feels like...

I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAR WAH WAH
I was the king of every school activity
But that's no more...
Oh mama, what will come of me?
The other night we painted posters
We played some records by the Coasters
WAH WAH WAH WAH
A bunch of pom pom girls
Looked down their nose at me
They had painted tons of posters
I had painted three.
I hear the secret whispers
Everywhere I go
My school spirit is at an
All time low

I'm losing status at the high school
I used to think that it was my school
WAH WAH WAH WAH
Everyone in town knows I'm a
Handsome football star
I sing and dance and spray my hair
And drive a shiny car
I'm friendly and I'm charming
I belong to De Molay
I'm going to try like mad to
Get my status back today
My status back, Baby
Status back, Baby
Status back, Baby
Status back, Baby

There's a bomb to blow your mommy up
A bomb for your daddy, too
A baby doll that burps and pees
A case of airplane glue

A hungry plastic troll
To scarf your buddy's arm
A box of ugly plastic things
Marked UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM.
There's a little plastic Congress
There's a nation you can buy
There's a doll that looks like mommy
She'll do anything but cry.
There's a doll that looks like daddy
He's a funny little man
Push a button and ask for money
There's a dollar in his hand...

We've got to send Santa Claus
Back to the Rescue Mission.
Christmas don't make it no more.
Don't you know that murder & destruction
Scream the toys in every store . . .
There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
When they melt they start to stink.
There's a book with smiling children
Nearly dead with Christmas joys
And smiling in his office
Is the creep who makes the toys.

We got this car, when it hits the wall
You can see the guy dying inside
Got the little plastic puddles of blood,
Plastic intestine stuck back into his stomach,
Sound effects, brass knuckles,
'39 Chevy, etc. etc.

Suzy Creamcheese, oh baby
What's got into you?
Suzy you were such a sweety
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Once you were my one and only
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Blew your mind on too much Kool-Aid
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Took my stash and left me lonely
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Suzy Creamcheese, oh baby
What's got into you? Suzy Creamcheese, oh momma
What's got into you?
Got to find my Suzy Creamcheese
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Think I'll go and start my car
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Really, dig her, she's so freaky
Yeh, yeh, yeh

Heard the heat knows where you are
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Suzy Creamcheese, oh baby
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, oh momma
What's got into you?
Cruised the Strip and went to Canter's
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Suzy Creamcheese, please come home
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Vito said she split for Berkeley
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Protest marching Styrofoam
Yeh, yeh, yeh
Suzy Creamcheese, oh baby
What's got into you?
Suzy Creamcheese, oh momma
What's got into you?

Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it?
Brown shoes don't make it

TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're OK, he's too weird
Be a plumber
He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care

Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair

Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work
Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball, TV tonight
Do you love it, do you hate it?
There it is, the way you made it

A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away, in a drawer, in a desk by a
Naugahyde chair on a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

We see in the back of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen - - -
Off with her clothes and into a bed
Where she tickles his fancy all night long

His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his Teenage Queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene

Baby baby
Baby baby
And he loves it, he loves it
It curls up his toes
She bites his fat neck
And it lights up his nose
But he cannot be fooled
Old City Hall Fred
She's nasty, she's nasty
She digs it in bed
Do it again, and do it some more
That does it, by golly
It's nasty for sure
Nasty nasty nasty
Nasty nasty nasty
(Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty...!)
She's a dirty young mind, corrupted, corroded
She's thirteen today, and I hear she gets loaded

If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?
If she were my daughter, I'd...
What would you do, Daddy?

Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again, oh baby
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again

She's my Teenage Baby and she turns me on
I'd like to make her do a nasty on the
White House lawn
Gonna smother my daughter in chocolate
And boogie till the cows come home

Time to go home,
Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the Gurneys and a dozen grey attorneys

TV dinner by the pool
I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball - -
I run the world From City Hall!

THIS IS A SPECIAL REQUEST! I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! ...

I tried to find
How my heart could be so blind, dear,
How could I be fooled
Just like the rest.
You came on strong with your
Fast car and your class ring,
Soft voice, and your sad eyes
I fell for the whole thing.
I don't regret having met up
With a girl who breaks hearts
Like they were nothing at all.
I've done it, too
Now I know just what it
Feels like
And just like I said:
There's no regrets.

It's now time to close! ...
I hope you've had as much fun as we have!
Don't forget the jam session Sunday!...
Mandy Tension will be by, playing his xylophone troupe!
It'll be alot of fun! Monday night is the Dance Contest Night...
Twist Contest!... We give away peanut butter and jelly!...
I hope we've played your requests... the songs you like to hear...
Last call for alcohol!... Drink it up, folks... Wonderful!...
Nice to see you ... oh, "Bill Bailey"?... we'll get to that tomorrow...
"Caravan", with a drum solo? . . . Right!... We'll do that!...
Wonderful!... Nice to see you again!... Yeh!... la, la, la...
Down at the POMPADOUR A-GO-GO!!... Vo-do-de-oo pee-pee...
Shoobe-doot 'n-dadada, ada-da-nya-da-da...
'NITE ALL!...