Ooh!
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-laaaah!

Aynsley Dunbar!

Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya

Hoopla!
Oink! Oink!
La la la la...
Aah!

Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
La la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la
La-la la-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la... Mud Shark

Mud Sh-sh-shark

THE MUD SHARK DANCING LESSON!

Lemme tell you 'bout the Mud Shark . . . The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows: There's a motel in Seattle Washington called the Edgewater Inn. The Edgewater Inn's built out on a pier . . . so that means that when you look out your window you don't see any dirt - - it's got a bay or something out in your backyard. . . And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down whenever they want to, and rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it... you know what I mean?
Now in this bay there's quite a variety of ah . . . fish! Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch. And all of these denizens of the deep can come in real handy . . .
Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll band called the Vanilla Fudge. Let's say one night you checked into the Edgewater Inn Motel with a 8mm movie camera, enough money to rent a pole, and just to make ist more interesting --a succulent young lady (Mnaaah!) with a taste for the bizarre . . .
My mind drifts back to a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport where the members of the Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie they made at the Edgewater Inn with a Mud Shark. I'm gonna tell you, this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!. . .

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby . . . etc.

What's a girl like you
Doin' in a place like this?

I left my place after midnight
And I came to this hall
Me and my girlfriend, we came here
Lookin' to ball

You came to the right place
This is it
This is the swingin-est place In New York City

(Chorus line) NO SHIT!

How true it is
Me and my girlfried, we come here
Every night looking for that
Hot romance we need
We like to get it on - -
Do you like to get it on, too?

Well now, what did you have in mind?

Okay: well, I get off bein' juked
With a baby octopus
And spewed upon with cream corn! AAH... UNH!
An' my girlfriend, she digs it
With a hot YOOHOO bottle
While somebody's screamin':
CORKS 'N SAFETIES
PIGS 'N DONKEYS
ALICE COOPER'S GONNA . . . AAAAAAH!
Well, it gets me so hot
I could scream
(Chorus line) ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! YAAAAH!
ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! YAAAAH!

You two chicks sound real far out and groovy
Ever been to a Holiday Inn?
Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . .
Magic fingers in the Bed (Picture it!)
Wall-mounted TV screen
Coffe-wost plugged into the bathroom wall
Formica's really keen!

(Chorus line) What kind of girl do you think we are?
What kind of girl do you think we are?
Don't call us groupies
That is going too far
We wouldn't ball you
Just because you're a star

These girls wouldn't let just anybody
Spew on their vital parts
They want a guy from a group with a
Big hit single in the charts

Funny you should mention it:
Our new single just made the charts this week
With a bullet! With a bullet!
Just let me put a little more
Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now

And you can show me how a young girl such as you
Might be thrilled and overwhelmed by me . . .

What hotel did you say you were staying at?
Wanna split right away?
Not so fast, you silly boy ... there's one thing I gotta say:

(Chorus line)
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
And if his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
We will give him our hearts
Hold it! Please hold it!

My god, Madge ... you voluptuous New York City slit... Why didn't you tell me before?
It was so hard to tell with your little blousey poo on, but... now that I see you... I would have helped...
I didn't know you were so obviously... PREGNANT...

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyond your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh ...

Girls from all over the world
Love to write my name on the toilet walls
At the Whisky a Go Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

(Chorus line) When Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, Baby
To scream up your slit

Steam it! Ream it! Cream it!

Acetylene Nirvana
Hemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids, Baby

Acetylene Nirvana
Hemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids, Baby

Steam roller
Steam roller
Steam roller
Steam roller

Help me
Help me
Help me
Help me
Feel the steam
See the steam
Hear the steam
Feel the steaming hot black screaming
Iridescent naugahyde python gleaming
Steam roller

All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of
The Latex Solar Beef

[includes part of Latex Solar Beef]

Mud Shark

All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef

Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids baby),
Steam roller
Steam roller
(Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids mama),
Steam roller
(Gooey piles, baby!)

You are ... you gotta tell me something ... I mean, seriously,
I'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and
I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean
really ... my girlfriend Jim, and lan, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank ... I mean, none of us ...
"Pleased to meet you ..."
We've never met a pop star from Hollywood .. . tell me something:
have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?
''No... no, I ..."
I mean . . . David Cassady, he's so ...
"Jimmy Greenspoon, once I ..."
Three Dog Night?!!
"Yeah..."
Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! ... oh gawd . . .oh,
do you like my new car? I'm ah ... my Dad just gave it to me for graduation . . .
"Ah yeeaah?! It's a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah... I dig the fins. . .
listen: do you know how to get to the ah Holiday Inn from here?"
No, ah ... which one is it?
"(burp) excuse, me. It's the one by the airport . . . you know ...
cause we gotta get up early an' . . . fly outta here in the morning, y'know ..."
Oh, I didn't know that . . . Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come
maybe ... in your bus or somethin' . . .
"Yeah??..."
(Voice in background:) In the bus! . . .
"Come in the bus, huh? ... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see ...
Tierra del Fuego ..."
Ooh! You're so professional, Howie! . ..
"Oh it's not ... it's nothing ..."
Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp- to play, an' all these
exotic places, I mean ...
"Yeah ..."
Tell me something ... tell me and all my girl - ... tell me:
Do you really have a hit record ... on the charts now?... with a bullet?...
I mean that's really important to me ...
"Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?"
He-hey! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!
"Naw, I never ... I never said ..."
We are not groupies! You better understand that!... I told
Robert Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...
"Robert Planet?!"
We are not groupies!
"No, I never ..."
Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
"Yah ... it's obvious to see why ... listen, I never..."
(2nd non-groupie) Howie ...
(1st non-groupie) Tell him! Tell him right now!
(2nd non-groupie) We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?
(voices in back) Real straight arrow, Howie ...
Really . . . just for friends, Howie ...
(2nd non-groupie) But we still like you.
Yeah ... we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but...
(2nd non-groupie) I mean, we still want to hear your record...
"Listen, you chicks! now didn' . . . didn't you just say that you
got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon
with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing
girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a Yoo-Hoo bottle or
she went apeshit?! . . . ''
Oooooh...
"What's the deal, baby? Come on ..."
Howie! Howie, lissen to me ... all that's true ...
"Come across ..."
All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's Cream Soda ...
or a CEL-RAY! . . . but! we are not groupies! No matter what you think . . .
"No, I never ..."
We are not groupies . . .
"You see, there seems to be some kind of a communications problem, honey . . .
because I ... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an' . . . an' I want some ACTION . . .
what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna . . . a-a-steaming . . . succulent ... ever-widening, gooey,
drippy, runny kind of a hole with a . . with.. . how shall I put this. . what say we hop in the trunk
of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF ..."
Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy . . . Jesus! . . .

(voice in back) I'm in this band, man ...
(voice up front) Very agile, Howie, very agile . . .
(voice in back) I am in this band no matter what we do up here . . . it's all ...

Now lissen! It just so happens . . . tonight me and my girlfriends,
I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight . . .
(Yeah? . . .)
Looking for a guy . . . And we're looking for a guy free a group . . .
(Wow! . . .)
BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!
(WAAAAH!)
AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!
(WAAAAAAAHH!!)
"That's me!! That's me! ooh! . . . oohhhh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit ..
Take me ...
I'm yours, you hole ...
Fulfill my . . . wildest . . . dreams! . . . ''
Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive . . . pop star of a man . . . picture this if you can: bead jobs! (Aaah!) knotted nylons! (Ooooh!) bamboo canes! (Ooooh!) three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! (Aaaaah!) Why, 'n enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't stand it anymore ! (EEEAAH!) All this and more, Howie! Including! an electric cooled pony harness, with fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . .
"Oooh! my god. I ... I ... I can't stand it! ... I mean.. I mean, do you understand the implications of what I'm saying?
I CAN'T STAND IT !!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!! I CANT STAND IT!!!!! ... OH NO!!! . . o my god!...
I can't stand it ... oohh ... I really can't stand it ...please . . . give it to me . . .
give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin ... give me ...
GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLE SAUCE SHOVED UP BETWEEN A
DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE! ..."
Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record! . . .and I want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now. an'
I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!
"The bullet ...?"
The BULLET! the BULLET! It's the part that gets me the hottest . . . hehe! . . . now sing me that record,
and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy . . .
"Well, I know when I'm licked ... all over ... Okay, baby
BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM! . . . Here comes my ...
BULLET!!"

(all sing "Happy Together")

Howard: Say!

Imagine me and you,
I do,
I think about you day and night
It's only right,
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight,
So happy together

If I should call you up,
(Call you up)
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me,
(Ease my mind)
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be,
(Very fine)
So very fine,
So happy together

Mark: Just like a big rock show, if you wanna sing along...

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you for all my life
When you're with me, baby,
The skies will be blue for all my life

Mark: Everybody sing along like a big rock show, come on!

Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa

Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa

One more time!

Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa

FZ: We'd like to thank you very much for comin' to our concert tonight... I know that ah... uh-hum... in a way it's sad that Bill Graham is closin' down the Fillmore, but ah... I'm sure he'll get into somethin' better... It's been lovely, workin' for you this evenin'... good night...

Good night...
(Good night, good night... )
Good night, boys and girls!
(Good night, good night... )
Good night, good night, boys and girls!
Good... night...
Good night, boys and girls!

Aaaaaaaaaaah...
Aaaaaaaaaaah...
AH!

---

[includes a quote from Gone With The Wind (Max Steiner)]

Wow!
Tears began to fall,
The writings on the wall
You say there's nothing I can say
She took the car and drove away
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
That's when the tears began to fall
'Cause I ain't got no love at all

Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down the shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away

Tears began to fall
And tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
And tears began to fall

Ay ay ay aaaah...
Ay ay ay aaaah...
Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah...
Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah...

And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall

Now!
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down the shirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away

Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall
(Tears began to fall again)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-waaah...