Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried:
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried:
Nanook-a. no no
Nanook-a. no no
Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO
Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO
Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she said, with a tear in her eye:
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW

Well right about that time, people,
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictlv Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo)
And started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe...
I said: With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-boo PEEK-A-BOO
With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE
He said Peak-a-Boo.
He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He went WHAP!
An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n he...
An' that got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be.,.so
I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly...
YELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go
Whereupon I proceeded to take that mitten full
Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people in this area,
But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK
In your mythology
Here it goes now..THE CIRCULAR MOTION...(rub it)...
(Here Fldo...Here Fido)
And then, in a fit of anger, I pounced
And I pounced again GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the...
I injured the fur trapper
Well, he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so Because The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
And he stood up
And he looked around
And he said:
I CAN'T SEE
I CAN'T SEE
OH WOE IS ME
I CANT SEE
NO NO NO
I CAN'T SEE etc, etc.
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blind-ed me
An' I can't see
Temporarily
Well the fur trapper stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's going to do
About his deflicted eyes
And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
An ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra...
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra...
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo...
Yes indeed, here we are!

At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
An' said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me. hurt me. hurt me. oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-reen...
Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked, yes...
The night before
Behind the door
A lep-rechaun had stroked (he stroked it)...
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked...his...
Sma-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ahhhhn (stroked his smock)
Which set him off in such a frenzy
He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK
An' he topped it off with a...
An' he topped it off with a...
An' he topped it off with a...
WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO
As he stumbled on his cock
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
PROUD OF ME
He shouted down the block
Dominus Vobisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu, Oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoe
Ooo-ooo-ooo
Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoe
Ooo-ooo-ooo

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach ner-vonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
An' I said... Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

Well, The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said: "You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An I said... Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste yer time...

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!". he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hangin' around,
I said "The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down ...

"Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears pon-cho?)
Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcher,
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it.don't waste your time on me...)
Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm SSSHONTAY

The clouds are really cheap
The way I seen 'em thru the ports
Of which there is a half-a-dozen
On the base of my resorz
You wouldn't think I'd have too many
Since I never cared for sports
But I'm never really lonely
In my Excentrifugal Forz

There's always Korla Plankton
Him 'n me can play the blues
An' then I'll watch him buff that
Tiny ruby that he use
He'll straighten up his turban
An' eject a little ooze
Along a one-celled Hammond Organism
Underneath my shoes
Then I'll call PUP TENTACLE
I'll ask him how's his chin
I'll fine out
How the future is
Because that's where he's been
His little feet got long 'n flexible
An' suckers fell right in
The time he crossed the line
From LATER ON to WAY BACK WHEN

Instrumental

Wo, are we movin' too slow?
Have you seen us, Uncle Remus...
We look pretty sharp in these clothes (yes, we do)
Unless we get sprayed with a hose
It ain't bad in the day
If they squirt it your way
'Cept in the winter, when it's froze
An' it's hard if it hits
On yer nose
On yer nose
Just keep yer nose
To the grind-stone, they say
Will that redeem us, Uncle Remus...
Can't wait till my Fro is full-grown
I'll just throw 'way my Doo-Rag at home
I'll take a drive to BEVERLY HILLS
Just before dawn
An' knock the little jockeys
Off the rich people's lawn
An' before they get up I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Before they get up I'll be knockin' the jockeys off the lawn
Down in the dew

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends...
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know...
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people, it's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases.
Out through the night An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep The Imaginary Diseases, mmrn...
This has to be the disease for you
Scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of: STINK FOOT
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry "You got STINK FOOT!
STINK FOOT, darlin'
Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on mv nose!
STINK FOOT! STINK FOOT! I aint lyin'.
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"
Here Fido...Fido...C'mere little puppy...bring the slippers
"Arf. arf. arf!" (crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh...sick...

Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?
Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your conceptual Continuity
Well, I told him right then (Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe(')
Well, you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said: (sort of staring in dis-belief)
"You can't sav that!"
He said: "IT DOESN'T, 'n YOU CAN'T!
I WON'T, 'n IT DON'T!
IT HASN'T. IT ISN'T. IT EVEN AIN'T
'N IT SHOULDNT...IT COULD-N'T!"
He told me NO NO NO!
I told him YES YES YES!
I said: "I do it all the time...
Ain't this boogie a mess!"
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT
THE POODLE BY-EE-ITES
THE POODLE CHEWS IT