Chop a line now...
Cocaine decisions ...
You are a person with a snow-job
You got a fancy gotta go job
Where the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean that millions somewhere else
Will do it your way
Cocaine decisions ...
You are a person who is high class
You are a person not in my class
And the cocaine decision that you make today
Will mean nothing later on
When you get nose decay
I don't wanna know
'Bout the things that you pull
Outta your nose
Or where they goes
But if you are wasted
From the stuff you're stickin' in it
I get madder every day
'Cause what you do 'n' what you say
Affects my life in such a way
I learn to hate it every minute!
Cocaine decisions ...
You are a doctor or a lawyer
You got an office with a foyer
And the cocaine decisions that you make today
Will not be discovered till it's over 'n' done
By the customers you hold at bay
Cocaine decisions ...
You are a movie business guy
You got accountants who supply
The necessary figures
To determine when you fly
To Acapulco
Where all your friends go
Cocaine decisions ...
We must watch the stuff you make
You have let us eat the cake
While your accountants tell you Yes Yes Yes
You make EXPENSIVE UGLINESS
(How do you do it? - let me guess ...)
Cocaine decisions ...
Cocaine decisions ...
Cocaine decisions ...

What's the thing that they's talkin' about everywhere
SEX
When they wanna be suave 'n' debonair
SEX
What's poppin' up the most from coast to coast
SEX
At yer bongo party an1 yer weenie roast
SEX
Even them Christians who are born again
SEX
Go out 'n' get pooched every now 'n' then
SEX
Do ya do or don't ya don't
SEX
Bet yer lyin' if ya say ya won't
SEX

Some girls try it 'n' go on a diet
Then they worry 'cause they's too fat
Who wants t'ride on an ironin' board?
That ain't no fun ... I tried me one

Grow that meat all over yer bones
Work the wall with the local Jones
'N' while you do it, remember this line
The Sniffer says it all the time

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION ..."

Makes no difference if you're young or old
SEX
Don't you act like it's made of gold
SEX
Ladies they need it just like the guys
SEX
Maybe you could use a protein surprise
SEX
Any time, anywhere
SEX
Why d'ya think it's growin' there
SEX

Some girls try it 'n' they don't like it
They complain 'cause it don't last
Who wants to ride on a debutante?
They talks too much... they moves too fast

Whatch the scenery while you ride
You can be very warm inside
'N when the train goes 'round the bend
Check the shrub'ry on the other end

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION,
THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION ..."

Instrumental

The cosmos at large
It's so very big
It's so far away
The comets ... the craters ... the vapors
The solar wind
The residual echoes ... the residual echoes
The residual echoes from the giant explosion
Where they said it beginned
The germs from space!
The negative-virus knit-wear
The blobulent suit
That's right! THE BLOBULENT SUIT
It's made of rubber, it's very ugly
It's got an air hose ...
(The guy that has it all has a SPACE WRENCH!)
The things that were supposed to be green
In the black and white movies
They get you in the neck when you're not looking
They get you, they get you, they get you, get you, get you
The radio is broken - it don't work no more
The radio is broken - it don't work no more
The lovely Lisa Kranston:
(Her father invented the secret fuel (that's right!)
For the rocket)
So she gets to go with a clipboard!
She writes it down when the meters go around
And falls in love in a space warp
Space warp
Space warp
The giant knobs
The porthole where you see the earth
for the first time
The corrugated fiberglass interior walls
The partially reclining G-force lawn furniture
The brown hole
The pointed brassieres
The atomic war
The tiny little dresses on the space girls
A love-starved race begging to reproduce
With earthmen
They need to reproduce (with John Agar)
They need to reproduce (with Morris Ankrum)
They need to reproduce (with Richard Basehart)
They need to reproduce (with Jackie Coogan)
They need to reproduce (with Sonny Tufts)
The botchino ... the botchino ... the botchino
The gigantic spider
The co-pilot always plays the harmonica
The navigator always gets killed by a bad space person
Uh-oh - the radio is broken
It don't work anymore
The radio is broken
It don't work anymore
The radio is broken
It don't work anymore
We'll never get back to the Earth no more
Uh-oh!
We have to fall in love, on Uranus!
The radio is ...
That's right - uh-oh
The radio is broken
The meteor storm
You spilled your coke
You're stepping on the popcorn
JOHN AGAR!
Uh-oh ...
(Dwarf Nebula)

Instrumental

The dangerous kitchen
If it ain't one thing it's another
In the middle of the night when you get home
The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The meat things
Where the cats ate through the paper
The can things with the sharp little edges
That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
The soft little things on the floor that you step on
They can all be DANGEROUS
Sometimes the milk can hurt you
(If you put it on your cereal
Before you smell the plastic container)
And the stuff in the strainer
Has a mind of its own
So be very careful
In the dangerous kitchen
When the night time has fallen,
And the roaches are crawlin'
In the kitchen of danger
You can feel like a stranger
The bananas are black
They got flies in the back
And also the chicken
In the dish with the foil
Where the cream is all clabbered
And the salad is frightful
Your return in the evening
Can be less than delightful
You must walk very careful
You must not lean against it
It can get on your clothing
It can follow you in
As you walk to the bedroom
And you take all your clothes off
While you're sleeping
It crawls off
It gets in your bed
It could get on your face then
It could eat your complexion
You could die from the danger
Of the dangerous kitchen
Who the fuck wants to clean it?
It's disgusting and dirty
The sponge on the drainer
Is stinky and squirty
If you squeeze it when you wipe up
What you get on your hands then
Could un-balance your glands and
Make you blind or whatever
In the dangerous kitchen
At my house tonight

Well,
This is the story of a man who lived in Utopia
This is the story of a man who lived in Utopia
He was a funny little fella with feet just like I showed ya

Well, he had a girl, her name was Mary Lou
Well, he had a girl, her name was Mary Lou
She did everything for him that she could do

But still, still, still he wouldn't treat her right
But still, still, still he wouldn't treat her right
He would leave in the morning, don't come back till late at night

Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
You did everything for him that you could do (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)

I'm going to tell you a story about Mary Lou
I mean the kind of girl who make a fool of you
She'd make a young man groan and a poor man pain
The way she took my money was a cryin' shame

Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar

Well, she picked up from Georgia, moved to Kalamazoo
Made her a fortune outta fools like you
Meet her a rich man who was married and had two kids
She stoked that cat till he flipped his lid Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar

Well, she came back to town about a week ago
Told me she was sorry she had hurt me so
I had a '55 Ford and a two dollar bill
The way she took that man she gave me a chill

Mary Lou - she took my watch and chain
Mary Lou - she took my diamond ring
Mary Lou - she took my Cadillac car
Jumped in my Kitty and then drove afar

Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
Ahh, Mary Lou (Mary Lou, Mary Lou)
Oh child you big fool (big fool, big fool)
You did everything for him that you could do
You did everything for him that you could do
You did everything for him that you could do

This is a song about the union, friends
How they fucked you over and the way they bends
The rules to suit a special few
And you gets pooched every time they do

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together

Once upon a time the idea was good
If only they'd a done what they said they would
It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse
The labor movement's got the Mafia curse

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together

Don't be no fool, don't be no dope
Common sense is your only hope
When the union tells you it's time to strike
Tell the motherfucker to take a hike

You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together

Once upon a time
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico
There were these girls that worked at the college
They were really cool ...
(They thought so anyway)
They would be delighted to tell you
how suave they were At the drop of a hat
There was three of 'em:
One of them thought she was a
Beauty Queen ...
The other one was a Walking Blow-Job
And then there was this skinny girl ...
Oh well ...
Some of the guys in the band got together
With the girls from the college
They were having a good time ...
(We were in Albuquerque for a couple of days)
But these girls thought they were Hot Shit
'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the band
On the first day, so ...
A couple of the guys in the band
Who were desperate for THAT KIND OF ACTION
Kept workin' on 'em for two days
(Which is a waste of fuckin' time anyway ... )
So, anyway ...
But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey?
Send those pants up here!
Here's some more!
Okay, good-good!
Traditional cotton ... oh, how sweet!
Umf... huh-huh-huh-huhhh ...
HERE! Work these!
Anyway ...
We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico ...
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless
Because their girlfriends might find out
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls
From the college
So, one night ... it was the first night
When they were still trying to 'get it in there'
(Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh ...)
The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band
And one of the T-shirt guys too ...
"HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!"
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel
That's right, you heard right,
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel ...
It was so fun ...
But the water was very, very cold!
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny
'N' probably totally insensitive to climatic changes
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool
And she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!"
Well, one of them did ...
The other one was too smart for that shit
So him and the T-shirt guy sat by the edge of the pool
And when the girl who was really skinny
(And insensitive to climatic changes)
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool
She threw her pants over there by the little table
Well, one of the guys from the band picked up her panties
(He told me later the stuff in the bottom
Was like punching an eclair ...)
Anyhow ... there was nothing else to do ...
It was Albuquerque, New Mexico
It's two o'clock in the morning ...
They're not going to get any nooky anyway ...
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy
Started sniffing the girl's panties ...
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue ...
Sniffing every 'thing' that adhered to these
Delightful little morsels
(Some of you might think this is weird...
No wonder.
It's not exactly normal, but
What the fuck?)
So, they're snorting it ...
(Hey! It's the twentieth century ...
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it,
So long as it doesn't cause a murder ...)
So they're snorting the pants
'N' then they put them on their heads ...
They were having a good time ...
The girl was in the water ... she didn't even see
What was going on with her underpants ...
They were wearing the pants
It looked just like a tiny little party hat ...
Their ears were sticking out the side ...
it was so fun
Later on they discovered,
This would make a great way of life for them...
They would go from town to town looking for panties
They would take the panties after they were hung up
On the clothes line
Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room
They would play with them...
They would fetish the underpants...
They would snort every little morsel attached
To The underpants... and then... they would feel that
They were FULFILLED

And so you can see
That what we're doing here on stage
Is part of a Great American Tradition
The tradition of the
JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS

You-you-you-ooo
Look like a dor-r-r-k
You act like a dork
Most of the time, also
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
You are a double-dork butt rash
You are a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k!
Nobody wants to ...
You are boring ... you have nothing to say
You eat cheese - you eat cheese and other things
You can can wrap up an' take with you
From the table
With Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You are a dork
You're a dork, dork, dork, dor-r-r-r-k
A double-dork butt rash
There's one in every crew - do you know
who you are? We know, but we won't tell you
We don't want to hurt your feelings
But you're a dor-r-r-r-k!
Might as well admit it
When you're a dork
You're a dork, by the way
You're a dork
A double
A double dork butt rash
A double butt rash dork
Luigi & The Wise Guys at the table
You look like a dork
Look like a dork
You act like a dork most of the time
You're a dor-r-r-r-k
Double dork
Double dork
Double dork butt rash

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