This is the age of machinery,
A mechanical nightmare,
The wonderful world of technology,
Napalm hydrogen bombs biological warfare,

This is the twentieth century,
But too much aggravation
It's the age of insanity,
What has become of the green pleasant fields of Jerusalem.

Ain't got no ambition, I'm just disillusioned
I'm a twentieth century man but I don't wanna be here.
My mama said she can't understand me
She can't see my motivation
Just give me some security,
I'm a paranoid schizoid product of the twentieth century.

You keep all your smart modern writers
Give me William Shakespeare
You keep all your smart modern painters
I'll take Rembrandt, Titian, Da Vinci and Gainsborough,

Girl we gotta get out of here
We gotta find a solution
I'm a twentieth century man but I don't want to die here.

I was born in a welfare state
Ruled by bureaucracy
Controlled by civil servants
And people dressed in grey
Got no privacy got no liberty
Cos the twentieth century people
Took it all away from me.

Don't wanna get myself shot down
By some trigger happy policeman,
Gotta keep a hold on my sanity
I'm a twentieth century man but I don't wanna die here.

My mama says she can't understand me
She can't see my motivation
Ain't got no security,
I'm a twentieth century man but I don't wanna be here.

This is the twentieth century
But too much aggravation
This is the edge of insanity
I'm a twentieth century man but I don't wanna be here.

I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door,
They're demonstrating outside I think they're gonna start the third world war,
I've been to my local head shrinker,
To help classify my disease,
He said it's one of the cases of acute schizophrenia he sees.

Well the milkman's a spy, and the grocer keeps on following me,
And the woman next door's an undercover for the K.G.B.,
And the man from the Social Security
Keeps on invading my privacy,
Oh there ain't no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

I've got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I've got it, you've got it, we can't lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues.

I'm lost on the river, the river of no return,
I can't make decisions, I don't know which way I'm gonna turn,
Even my old dad, lost some of the best friends he ever had,
Apparently, his was a case of acute schizophrenia too.

I got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I've got it, you've got it, we can't lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues,

They're watching my house and they're tapping my telephone,
I can't trust nobody, but I'm much too scared to be on my own
And the income tax collector's got his beady eye on me,
Oh there ain't no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

No there ain't no cure for
Schizophrenia disease.

Holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I'm so glad they sent me away,
To have a little holiday today, holiday,
Holiday,
And I'm just standing on the end of a pier,
Hoping and dreaming you were here,
To share my little holiday,

Lookin' in the sky, for a gap in the clouds,
Sometimes I think that sun ain't never coming out,
But I'd rather be here than in that dirty old town,
I had to leave the city cos it broke me down,

Oh holiday, oh what a lovely day today,
I think I'll get down on my little knees and pray, thank you Lord,
Thank heaven for this holiday, holiday,
I'm leaving insecurity behind me,
The environmental pressures got me down,
I don't need no sedatives to pull me round,
I don't need no sleeping pills to help me sleep sound,

Oh holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I think I'll get down on my knees and pray,
That's what I'll do,
Thank heaven for this holiday,

Lying on the beach with my back burned rare,
And the salt gets in my blisters and the sand gets in my hair,
And the sea's an open sewer,
But I really couldn't care,
I'm breathing through my mouth so I don't have to sniff the air,

Oh holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I'm so glad they sent me away,
To have a little holiday.

Fat Flabby Annie was incredibly big
She weighed just about sixteen stone
And then a fake dietician went and put her on a diet
Now she looks like skin and bone.
Do the meditation and yoga
And she's thrown away the good food guide
And she's given up the alcohol and pizzas
And the pies and now she looks as if she's ready to die,
You can't see her walk by.

Don't eat no mashed potatoes,
Don't eat no buttered scones
Stay away from carbohydrates
You're gonna look like skin and bone.

Living on the edge of starvation
And she says she's got no appetite
And her father and her mother
And her sisters and her brothers
Couldn't see her when she walked by
She looked like skin and bone.

Don't eat no mashed potatoes,
Don't eat no buttered scones
Stay away from carbohydrates
You're gonna look like skin and bone.

She used to be so cuddly,
She used to be so fat,
But oh what a sin cos she's oh so thin
That she lost all the friends that she had,
She looks like skin and bone

If you look flabby
And you feel overweight,
And you wanna lose a couple of stone,
Take a crash course diet do your daily exercises
And you'll look like skin and bone.

Come on rattle them bones,
Put your hands up to the ceiling,
Bend your hips and touch your toes,
Do your daily exercises,
You're gonna look like skin and bone,

Don't eat no mashed potatoes, etc.

Here is a story about a sinner,
He used to be a winner who enjoyed a life of prominence and position,
But the pressures at the office and his socialite engagements,
And his selfish wife's fanatical ambition,
It turned him to the booze,
And he got mixed up with a floosie
And she led him to a life of indecision.
The floosie made him spend his dole
She left him lying on Skid Row
A drunken lag in some Salvation Army Mission.
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would say,
Damn it all and blow it all,
Oh demon alcohol,
Memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would fall a slave to demon alcohol.

Barley wine pink gin,
He'll drink anything,
Port, pernod or tequila,
Rum, scotch, vodka on the rocks,
As long as all his troubles disappeared.
But he messed up his life and he beat up his wife,
And the floosie's gone and found another sucker
She's gonna turn him on to drink
She's gonna lead him to the brink
And when his money's gone,
She'll leave him in the gutter,
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would fall,
A slave to demon alcohol.

Well I woke this morning with a pain in my neck,
A pain in my heart and a pain in my chest,
I went to the good doctor and the good doctor said,
You gotta slow down your life or you're gonna be dead,
Cut out the struggle and strife,
It only complicates your life.

Well I cut down women I cut out booze,
I stopped ironing my shirts, cleaning my shoes,
I stopped going to work, reading the news,
I'm sitting twiddling my thumbs cos I got nothing to do,
Minimal exercise,
To help uncomplicate my life,
Gotta stand and face it life is so complicated,
Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah,
Got to get away from the complicated life son,
Life is overated, life is complicated,
Must aleviate this, complicated life.

Like old Mother Hubbard
I got nothin' in the cupboard,
Got no dinner and I got no supper,
Holes in my shoes I got holes in my socks,
I can't go to work cos I can't get a job,
The bills are rising sky high,
It's such a complicated life,
Gotta stand and face it,
Life is so complicated.

I got a letter this morning with serious news that's gone and ruined my day,
The borough surveyor's used compulsory purchase to acquire my domaine,
They're gonna pull up the floors, they're gonna knock down the walls,
They're gonna dig up the drains.

Here come the people in grey they're gonna take me away to Lord knows where,
But I'm so unprepared I got no time to pack and I got nothing to wear,
Here come the people in grey,
To take me away.

Me and my baby's gonna get on a train that's gonna take us away,
I'm gonna live in a tent, we're gonna pay no more rent we're gonna pay no more rates,
We're gonna live in a field, we're gonna buy me gun, to keep the policemen away.

I'm gonna pass me a brand new resolution,
I'm gonna fight me a one man revolution, someway,
Gonna beat those people in grey,
But here come the people in grey,
To take me away.

The people in grey have gone and taken away my right to voice my complaint,
Her Majesty's Government have sent me a form I must complete it today.
But it's making me blue, don't wanna tell all my secrets to
The people in grey.

I'm gonna pass me a brand new resolution,
I'm gonna fight me a one man revolution, someway,
Gonna start my rebellion today.
But here come the people in grey,
To take me away.

Oh, Lord, those people in grey,
I gotta get back at those people in grey,
Here come the people in grey,
To take me away.

Granny's always ravin' and rantin'
And she's always puffin' and pantin',
And she's always screaming and shouting,
And she's always brewing up tea.

Grandpappy's never late for his dinner,
Cos he loves his leg of beef
And he washes it down with a brandy,
And a fresh made cup of tea.

Chorus:
Have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,
have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,
Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja, Rosie Lea
Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja Rosie Lea.

If you feel a bit under the weather,
If you feel a little bit peeved,
Take granny's stand-by potion
For any old cough or wheeze.
It's a cure for hepatitis it's a cure for chronic insomnia,
It's a cure for tonsilitis and for water on the knee.

Chorus

Tea in the morning, tea in the evening, tea at supper
time,
You get tea when it's raining, tea when it's snowing.
Tea when the weather's fine,
You get tea as a mid-day stimulant
You get tea with your afternoon tea
For any old ailment or disease
For Christ sake have a cuppa tea.

Chorus,

Whatever the situation whatever the race or creed,
Tea knows no segregation, no class nor pedigree
It knows no motivations, no sect or organisation,
It knows no one religion,
Nor political belief.

Chorus.

They took my baby, to Holloway jail,
They took my baby, down Holloway jail,
She was a lady, when she went in,
Now she's in jail, and it's giving me hell.

She was succeeding in the city,
She was just beginning to excel,
Then a spiv named Frankie Simes
Led her to a life of crime,
And led her on the downward trail.

Frankie came home late from work one evening,
The C.l.D. were hot on his trail,
Frankie promised everything,
And then he went and turned her in,
She went and took the rap for him,
Now she's impaled in Holloway jail.

They took my baby, down Holloway jail,
They took my baby, to Holloway jail,
There ain't no pity, there ain't no bail,
And she assures me that it's living hell.

She was young and ever so pretty,
Now she looks so old and pale,
She never sees the day,
She wastes her life away,
Sitting in that prison cell.

They took my baby to Holloway jail,
They took my baby, down Holloway jail,
She was a lady when she went in,
Now she's in jail, and it's giving me hell.

She's impaled, in Holloway jail.

All life we work but work is bore,
If life's for livin' what's livin' for,
She lives in a house that's near decay,
Built for the industrial revolution,
But in her dreams she is far away,
In Oklahoma U.S.A.
With Shirley Jones and Gordon McRea,
As she buys her paper at the corner shop,
She's walkin' on the surrey with the fringe on top,
Cos in her dreams she is far away,
In Oklahoma U.S.A.,
She walks to work but she's still in a daze,
She's Rita Hayworth or Doris Day,
And Errol Flynn's gonna take her away,
To Oklahoma U.S.A.,
All life we work but work is a bore,
If life's for livin' then what's livin' for.

He was just a workin' man,
Simple rules and simple plans,
Fancy words he didn't understand,
He loved with his heart,
He worked with his hands.

Liberals dream of equal rights,
Conservatives live in a world gone by,
Socialists preach of a promised land,
But old uncle son, was an ordinary man.

Bless you uncle son,
They won't forget you, when the revolution comes.

Unionists tell you when to strike,
Generals tell you when to fight,
Preachers tell you wrong from right,
They'll feed you when you're born,
And use you all your life.

Bless you uncle son,
They won't forget you when the revolution comes.

Well I said goodbye to Rosie Rooke this morning,
I'm gonna miss her bloodshot alcoholic eyes,
She wore her Sunday hat so she'd impress me,
I'm gonna carry her memory 'til the day I die.

They'll move me up to Muswell Hill tomorrow,
Photographs and souvenirs are all I've got,
They're gonna try and make me change my way of living,
But they'll never make me something that I'm not.

Cos I'm a Muswell Hillbilly boy,
but my heart lies in old West Virginia,
Never seen New Orleans, Oklahoma, Tennessee,
Still I dream of the Black Hills that I ain't never seen.

They're putting us in little boxes,
No character just uniformity,
They're trying to build a computerised community,
But they'll never make a zombie out of me.

They'll try and make me study elocution,
Because they say my accent isn't right,
They can clear the slums as part of their solution,
But they're never gonna kill my cockney pride.

Cos I'm a Muswell Hillbilly boy,
But my heart lies in Old West Virginia,
Though my hills are not green,
I have seen them in my dreams,
Take me back to those Black Hills,
That I have never seen.

They lived together in a dirty old shack
At the edge of the black rocky mountain
And they drank mountain dew and they lived on the food
That they grew at the side of the mountain

She's a mountain woman, he's her mountain man
They lived all their lives by the valley
She's a mountain woman, he's her mountain man
Uneducated but they're happy

Mountain woman couldn't read nor write
But she knew good from evil, she know wrong from right
When the government tried to buy her water rights
Her intuition was her only guide

She's a mountain woman, he's her mountain man
Lived all their lives by the valley
She's a mountain woman, he's her mountain man
Uneducated but they're happy

Spend my life with my mountain woman
We're uneducated by we're happy

The civil servant used compulsory purchase
To acquire the valley for the nation
They'll dig up the land, they're gonna make a dam
And build a hydroelectric power station

And now she lives on the 33rd floor
Of a man-made concrete mountain
She got an elevator and refrigerator
And an automobile to run around in

Fast talkin' lawyers from the government
Went and beat proud mountain woman down
Hey mountain woman, take your mountain man
They took your land and flood your valley

Spend my life with my mountain woman
They're uneducated by they're happy

Never been anywhere south of the Delaware
Never been through Kalamazu
Never been to Timbuktu

Living is fantasy, traveling mentally
Making up tunes in hotel rooms
'Bout places I've never been to

Though I've never crooned under a Kentucky moon

I had my dream, Kentucky moon
But it's only moon dreams
From songs, films and TV
But I can visualize what I've never seen
But I had my dream, Kentucky moon

Route 66 to me is still a mystery
And Ohio, too
Went Chicago blue down to St. Louie blues[?]

Never been anywhere south of the Delaware
Never been through Kalamazu
Never been to Timbuktu

But I can visualize what I've never seen
So I sit and dream, Kentucky moon

As I sit by a [?]
But it's just imagery
From songs, films and TV
But I can visualize what I've never seen
So I sit and dream, Kentucky moon