Cousin Kevin (performed by Paul Nicholas) - 3:07

[KEVIN]

We're on our own, cousin.
All alone, cousin.
Let's think of a game to play
Now the grownups have all gone away.
You won't be much fun,
Being blind, deaf and dumb,
But I've no one to play with today.
Do you know how to play Hide and Seek?
To find me, it would take you a week!
But tied to that chair,
You won't go anywhere.
There's a lot I can do to a freak!
How would you feel if I turned on the bath,
Ducked your head under and started to laugh?
Maybe a cigarette burn on your arm
Will change your expression to one of alarm.
I'm the school bully,
The classroom cheat,
The nastiest play-friend
You ever could meet.
I'll put glass in your dinner,
And spikes in your seat.
I'll drag you around
By a lock of your hair,
And give you a push
At the top of the stair!
What would you do if I
Shut you outside
To stand in the rain and
Catch cold, so you'd die?
I'm the school bully,
The classroom cheat,
The nastiest play-friend
You ever could meet.
I'll stick pins in your fingers,
And tread on your feet.
We're on our own, cousin.
All alone, cousin.
We've thought of some nice games to play
While the grownups has all gone away.
You weren't too much fun,
'Cause you're blind, deaf and dumb,
But I'd no one to play with today.