Do You Like My New Car? - 7:08

You are ... you gotta tell me something ... I mean, seriously,
I'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and
I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean
really ... my girlfriend Jim, and lan, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank ... I mean, none of us ...
"Pleased to meet you ..."
We've never met a pop star from Hollywood .. . tell me something:
have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?
''No... no, I ..."
I mean . . . David Cassady, he's so ...
"Jimmy Greenspoon, once I ..."
Three Dog Night?!!
"Yeah..."
Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! ... oh gawd . . .oh,
do you like my new car? I'm ah ... my Dad just gave it to me for graduation . . .
"Ah yeeaah?! It's a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah... I dig the fins. . .
listen: do you know how to get to the ah Holiday Inn from here?"
No, ah ... which one is it?
"(burp) excuse, me. It's the one by the airport . . . you know ...
cause we gotta get up early an' . . . fly outta here in the morning, y'know ..."
Oh, I didn't know that . . . Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come
maybe ... in your bus or somethin' . . .
"Yeah??..."
(Voice in background:) In the bus! . . .
"Come in the bus, huh? ... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see ...
Tierra del Fuego ..."
Ooh! You're so professional, Howie! . ..
"Oh it's not ... it's nothing ..."
Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp- to play, an' all these
exotic places, I mean ...
"Yeah ..."
Tell me something ... tell me and all my girl - ... tell me:
Do you really have a hit record ... on the charts now?... with a bullet?...
I mean that's really important to me ...
"Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?"
He-hey! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!
"Naw, I never ... I never said ..."
We are not groupies! You better understand that!... I told
Robert Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...
"Robert Planet?!"
We are not groupies!
"No, I never ..."
Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
"Yah ... it's obvious to see why ... listen, I never..."
(2nd non-groupie) Howie ...
(1st non-groupie) Tell him! Tell him right now!
(2nd non-groupie) We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?
(voices in back) Real straight arrow, Howie ...
Really . . . just for friends, Howie ...
(2nd non-groupie) But we still like you.
Yeah ... we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but...
(2nd non-groupie) I mean, we still want to hear your record...
"Listen, you chicks! now didn' . . . didn't you just say that you
got off bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon
with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing
girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a Yoo-Hoo bottle or
she went apeshit?! . . . ''
Oooooh...
"What's the deal, baby? Come on ..."
Howie! Howie, lissen to me ... all that's true ...
"Come across ..."
All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's Cream Soda ...
or a CEL-RAY! . . . but! we are not groupies! No matter what you think . . .
"No, I never ..."
We are not groupies . . .
"You see, there seems to be some kind of a communications problem, honey . . .
because I ... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an' . . . an' I want some ACTION . . .
what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna . . . a-a-steaming . . . succulent ... ever-widening, gooey,
drippy, runny kind of a hole with a . . with.. . how shall I put this. . what say we hop in the trunk
of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF ..."
Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy . . . Jesus! . . .

(voice in back) I'm in this band, man ...
(voice up front) Very agile, Howie, very agile . . .
(voice in back) I am in this band no matter what we do up here . . . it's all ...

Now lissen! It just so happens . . . tonight me and my girlfriends,
I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight . . .
(Yeah? . . .)
Looking for a guy . . . And we're looking for a guy free a group . . .
(Wow! . . .)
BUT HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK!
(WAAAAH!)
AND HE'S GOTTA HAVE A DICK THAT'S A MONSTER!!
(WAAAAAAAHH!!)
"That's me!! That's me! ooh! . . . oohhhh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit ..
Take me ...
I'm yours, you hole ...
Fulfill my . . . wildest . . . dreams! . . . ''
Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive . . . pop star of a man . . . picture this if you can: bead jobs! (Aaah!) knotted nylons! (Ooooh!) bamboo canes! (Ooooh!) three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! (Aaaaah!) Why, 'n enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't stand it anymore ! (EEEAAH!) All this and more, Howie! Including! an electric cooled pony harness, with fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . .
"Oooh! my god. I ... I ... I can't stand it! ... I mean.. I mean, do you understand the implications of what I'm saying?
I CAN'T STAND IT !!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!! I CANT STAND IT!!!!! ... OH NO!!! . . o my god!...
I can't stand it ... oohh ... I really can't stand it ...please . . . give it to me . . .
give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin ... give me ...
GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE PICKLE SAUCE SHOVED UP BETWEEN A
DONKEY'S ASS UNTIL HE CAN'T COME ANYMORE! ..."
Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record! . . .and I want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now. an'
I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!
"The bullet ...?"
The BULLET! the BULLET! It's the part that gets me the hottest . . . hehe! . . . now sing me that record,
and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy . . .
"Well, I know when I'm licked ... all over ... Okay, baby
BEND OVER AND SPREAD 'EM! . . . Here comes my ...
BULLET!!"

(all sing "Happy Together")